I miss sleep

Maybe if I couldn’t remember, it wouldn’t be so bad. But it was not so long ago and I still remember vividly the days of crawling into bed whenever I wanted and sleeping leisurely until, well when ever I felt like it. My sheets were always clean and smelled nice; I slept alone, and therefore had no snoring or other strange noises to contend with in the night. It was blissful, and I miss it. I fear those days are over, or at least on hold for a long, long time. At the end of my exhausting days now I rush to get the kids in bed by 8pm, probably less for their good and more for mine. As soon as their down, I fall exhausted into my bed, which I hope is mostly clean, oh sure I find the occasional toy and if I'm really unlucky that day, maybe a dirty diaper I forgot to throw out from bath time an hour ago, in the folds of my sheets. Either way the One who works and I are usually in bed by 830pm praying for a good nights sleep. I have to say at this point, this is a prayer rarely answered to my satisfaction recently. Last night for example, Peanut who is in the final stages of potty training, decides at midnight he has to "go". Can he go on his own? Nope, so out of bed I fly to help him balance precariously on the edge of the "big boy potty". It's not an easy task, he's still half asleep...wish I was. Five minutes go by, then ten, I'm so tired I try laying on the tile floor but remember I haven’t cleaned it lately, so I drag myself to hallway carpet and grab a nearby stuffed animal for a pillow, I lay curled up on the floor for at least another 5 minutes when Peanut takes a dive off the toilet, he's fallen asleep. The fall wakes him up and now he's crying. I clean him up and try to keep him quiet; Walnut unlike Peanut is a VERY light sleeper. I crawl back in bed, I am so tired. As I lay there awake for at least 30 minutes, I take this time to reflect on my inability to fall right to sleep. I'm thinking once you have kids, you should develop this talent. The One who works lays his head on the pillow and is snoring in minutes, not me. I often lay awake for an hour or more waiting for my exhaustion to whisk me into peaceful slumber. The next thing I remember is Walnut screaming, I check the clock it's 2am. You have got to be kidding me! He would pick the very night we've taken him off formula. After half an hour of screaming, I get up and search the house for any forgotten formula, I find one scoop, and make him a very small bottle. It does the trick... for all of five minutes. I try holding him, he settles right down, no fever, clean diaper, what could possibly be bothering him? I finally put him back down. He screams for another 10 minutes and finally decides that tonight Mommy must be more tired than nice, he's right, I don't feel very nice right now. It's after 3am as I crawl back into bed next to the One Who Works, I glare at him snoring soundly. I know he'd get up with the boys in a minute if I asked, but I always take the night shift because he has to get up so early to go to work, I guess I figure I can do my job while half asleep and groggy but he probably can't. Laying in bed, again wishing for sleep, I count the minutes, I remember up until 330am, then nothing. That is until the One Who Works alarm clock goes off at 4am. He immediately hits snooze, an arrangement we've agreed on can happen exactly twice. Since I am unable to fall asleep in the mere nine minutes between alarms, once the alarm goes off, I'm awake for good. This morning I nearly cried when I heard that alarm, no, no, no it is not time to get up! The One Who Works finally got up and quietly got ready, obviously trying not to disturb the boys or me. Just as he leaves the house, Walnut again is screaming. I find my earplugs and roll over, I think I got another hour or two before Peanut again needs help in the bathroom. What have I done to myself? With each child I have, I think I cut another 2 hours out of my sleep. If I have another kid or two, I guess I'll never sleep again. I have to say it's a depressing thought. Maybe I need a nap. Ok, my sole goal for the day is to get both boys down for naps at the same time. All my efforts will be directed into getting me sleep. Then I'll be ready for tonight.