Adventures in potty training

You know you never think about it...you just do it. You feel the need, find the bathroom, take care of business, wipe, flush, and wash your hands. It's so easy it doesn’t even require much thought. Now how many of us really appreciate the time, mess and patience it took to get each one of us to this point? I'll just say it now; I have no idea what I'm doing. Oh sure, I can go just fine myself, but with all my expertise I am unable to teach my (nearly 3 year old) Peanut to master the whole process. My intentions have been good, I bought the special Elmo underwear, I set up the whole miniature potty, I explained about the special soap to wash off all the germs, all in an attempt to prepare my child for preschool. No luck. The day starts out pretty good, he's in his big boy underwear, and dressed for the day. We're having breakfast... accident. Ok, no problem, everybody has an accident from time to time. Peanuts in his second pair of underwear, this time we skip the clothes...maybe those jeans are slowing him down? Play time in the backyard, do I worry what the neighbors think seeing my two year old strutting proudly in his "Elmo’s"? Nope, they shouldn’t be looking over that fence anyway. Screaming. I run out to find Peanut standing in a puddle right on my patio steps. Third pair of underwear on, we're off to clean up the toys from last night. By now I've set an alarm to go off every 60 minutes, just to keep us on track to attempt to "go". I should say at this point that he's successful on every attempt. With each little trickle we clap, sing and jump up and down. We put stickers on my perfectly created little potty chart, and Peanut happily pop's that reward candy into his mouth. How is it he can be so successful and have so many accidents at the same time? Why does he have to go so much? Maybe I'm letting him drink too much? Ok, I limit his liquid intake. Another accident, this time on my couch, (no, I'm not telling which one!) Ok, I'm feeing frustrated now. I'm still scrubbing the couch when I notice a lovely smell wafting down from the boys’ bedroom. Agah!! I run up to find Peanut hiding in his closet standing there with his little "Elmo’s" bulging at their tiny little Elmo seams! I'll spare you the details. But needless to say we won't be playing in that room for the rest of the day! At this point we have to stop everything to wash all the underwear, I only bought six pair and we've been through every one of them. They should make disposable underwear...wait; I think those are called diapers. Anyway, by the time Daddy comes home, our little Peanut is naked, dehydrated, and limited to playing on the tile floor of the kitchen. I'm still scrubbing the spots on the carpet. I want to cry. Forget it, diaper back on, fully dressed, juice box in hand, peanut's playing in the backyard, we're all much happier. Maybe we'll try again tomorrow...then again maybe not.