Hoop Jumping

There is one aspect of my life that makes me feel like an adult, makes me feel responsible, organized, and some days a bit frustrated. Last January, shortly after I found out the twins were coming, one of the first calls I made was to my insurance provider. I knew the complications, risks and expenses associated with twins and wanted to prepare myself as to what to expect in regards to my coverage and expected out of pocket expenses. I took diligent notes, and carefully reviewed all the hoops I was required to jump through to make sure we would have no problems with the anticipated medical bills. I can now say I am a professional "hoop jumper". I spend roughly 5-6 hours a week on the phone (mostly on hold, I might add) coordinating bills and benefits. I'm constantly amazed at the inefficiencies of these places. It's almost as if they intentionally set out to confuse me, transfer me to endless idiots and ultimately make me angry. Now for those who know me, know I'm great at getting what I need on the phone. All those years dealing with irate Southwest Airline passengers, have really paid off. Rule number ONE, take charge, take names and take notes, TWO, thoroughly and calmly explain the problem, THREE, don't yell and don't blame the person your speaking with, and FOUR, expect the issue to be resolved in your favor. Yea right!! I have given up on rationality, or any expectation that anyone can actually understand my problem, let alone begin to resolve it. I have literally explained that I have two babies with the same birth date to at least fifty people, yet can any one of them understand this concept, let alone fix it in the computer? NO! Some days after a particularly harrowing phone battle, I wish I could just pay these bills and be done with them. If I were rich I would, my time is more valuable than this, and then I realize that is exactly what "they" are counting on. "They" are huge and pay hundreds of people, to do nothing other than wait for me to call, so they can put me on endless holds, transfer me to unrelated departments and again falsely promise to remember that I have TWO BABIES! As of January 1st we had the opportunity to change insurance carriers, needless to say we did. Part of my meticulous accounting tactics is to follow claims online and make sure things are processed correctly. Today I was in the process of setting up access to our new medical insurance accounts when I realized I did not have authorization to access any ones medical claim information but The One Who Works, I called our insurance and explained my dilemma. I was informed that due to HIPPA laws, legally I could not access anyone else's medical information other than my own. I told the woman that these were very young children, my children no less, and as she could plainly see their birth dates in her computer, figured the solution was obvious....apparently not. She informed me that if the children so choose, they could authorize me to have access to their medical claims. Again, I explain that they are only ages four, two and 7 months old, at this point she tells me (their MOTHER) that I (again, their MOTHER) can fill out a form for them on their behalf to authorize me (still their MOTHER) to have access to their claims. OK, so they did, I did, she did and now I finally do.....hoops, whew!