My Purple Nightmare

I have to admit, I have really let myself slip in the "getting dressed" daily department. Oh, I get up and throw something on; problem is it's usually what I had on yesterday....and the day before that, some kind of stretchy capri's and a t-shirt. I have good intentions, I even own nice clothes; I just see no reason to put them on, only to go nowhere, clean house, do laundry and be spit-up on endlessly, Little Red is a virtual fountain! Some days I find myself changing into "real" clothes to walk to the mailbox and back, my only outing for the day, too afraid the neighbors will see me in that same comfy cleaning outfit I retrieved the mail in the previous three days. Worst of all has to be the day last weekend when I had to make a quick run to the grocery store, I was wearing my worst in "sloppy attire", bright purple scrubs at least two sizes too big, dried spit-up on both shoulders and down one leg, the pants were rolled up to my calf's to keep them from dragging, I threw on a pair of old brown sneakers with no socks and grabbed a jacket, I think it was brown...not that the color would spare me any of the upcoming humiliation. I got all the way into the store and was cruising through the produce department when I spotted myself in one of those overhead produce mirrors, distorted as it was, it revealed exactly what I looked like. Unfortunately at the exact moment I was having my epiphany, I spotted not one, but two of the other neighborhood mothers. You know the ones I mean, perfectly quaffed soccer mom types with their matching velour workout outfits, flawlessly groomed hair and make-up, with two impeccably clean children trailing behind. I tried to hide behind the banana display, but one saw me and said hello, I gave a half smile and ducked down the closest isle directly into the Relief Society President. Aghhh, I was mortified, another quick greeting and I decided to disguise myself. I had to work with what I had; I pulled my hair out of its sloppy ponytail and tried my best to hide behind it without looking too much like Cousin IT from the Adams Family. I made it all the way to the back, but just as I was grabbing my milk, soccer mom number 2 made her appearance. She was nice but couldn't hide her obvious amusement at my humiliation, her eyes taking a quick sweep at my attire. I escaped into the baby department while her children stared after me in confusion at my abrupt departure. I hid there "looking" at sippy cups for as long as I dared. I peeked out, but it seemed like the entire store was filled with people I knew and all were blocking my path to freedom. You know those bad dreams where you suddenly find yourself in high school walking the halls naked? I almost wished I was naked, my outfit was that bad. Well, nothing to do but pull my hood over my head, look at the floor and make a B line for the nearest check stand. And so I did just that, vowing never to wear that ugly purple outfit EVER again...even in the privacy of my own home.